Getting to Know Your Spouse

Marriage is meant to be more than just cohabitation or a legal arrangement. When we look at biblical principles for marriage, we discover that God calls husbands and wives to truly know each other in the deepest sense. This understanding goes far beyond surface-level familiarity and extends into genuine intimacy that strengthens the marriage bond.

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What Does It Mean to “Know” Your Spouse?

In First Peter 3:7, the apostle Peter instructs husbands to “dwell with your wife in understanding.” This command was revolutionary in the Roman culture of Peter’s time, where husbands typically spent little time with their wives and often treated them more like servants than partners.

The word “know” or “understanding” used in this passage carries deep significance. In biblical language, this term often refers to intimate knowledge – the kind of knowing that involves both emotional and physical closeness. When Genesis 4:1 says “Adam knew Eve,” it’s describing the complete intimacy between husband and wife.

Why Many Couples Struggle with True Intimacy

The Problem of Becoming Roommates

Too many married couples have become mere co-inhabitants of the same home. They function as roommates with legal obligations rather than intimate partners who truly know each other. Many spouses don’t know the details of their partner’s thoughts, dreams, or daily experiences – and sadly, some don’t seem to care.

Cultural Confusion About Sex and Intimacy

Our culture has distorted God’s design for sexual intimacy. What God intended as a beautiful expression of love between married couples has been twisted into something casual and meaningless. This cultural confusion has left many married couples struggling to understand what healthy intimacy looks like.

How Can Husbands Better Know Their Wives?

Spend Intentional Time Together

The word “dwell” in Peter’s instruction means to abide and live together. This requires intentional time and attention. Husbands need to prioritize getting to know their wives’ likes, dislikes, thoughts, and feelings.

Create a Peaceful Home Environment

When spouses truly know each other, they learn to appreciate and honor one another. This creates a peaceful home atmosphere where both partners can thrive.

What About Physical Intimacy in Marriage?

God’s Design for Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy within marriage is God’s design and should be cherished by married couples. When expressed within the proper context of marriage, it becomes a powerful bond that strengthens the relationship.

Moving Beyond Expectations

Many couples struggle with unrealistic expectations about physical intimacy. The idea that everything must be perfect or that elaborate preparation is always necessary can actually hinder genuine connection. Sometimes the best approach is simply to begin with openness and consideration for each other.

How Can Couples Grow in Intimacy?

Practice Grace and Patience

Growing in intimacy takes time, repetition, and openness. Both partners need to extend grace to each other as they learn and grow together.

Follow Biblical Guidelines

First Corinthians 7 teaches that husbands and wives should not deny each other conjugal rights. This mutual responsibility means both partners should approach intimacy with willingness and consideration.

Remove Barriers

When intimacy becomes boring or routine, it’s often because barriers have been allowed to build up. These might include unresolved conflicts, unrealistic expectations, or simply neglect of the relationship.

What Are the Benefits of True Intimacy?

Physical Benefits

Physical intimacy releases endorphins that reduce stress and promote well-being. It provides natural relief from tension and anxiety.

Emotional and Spiritual Benefits

Intimate connection helps couples work through frustrations and disagreements. It creates a sense of oneness and peace that strengthens the marriage bond.

Relationship Growth

Like fine wine, marital intimacy should improve over time. As couples continue to know each other more deeply, their connection becomes richer and more satisfying.

Life Application

This week, commit to truly getting to know your spouse better. Whether you’ve been married for months or decades, there’s always more to discover about the person you’ve committed your life to.

Start by having intentional conversations about your spouse’s thoughts, dreams, and daily experiences. Create space in your schedule to spend quality time together without distractions. Approach physical intimacy with patience, grace, and a genuine desire to give pleasure rather than just receive it.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I really know what’s going on in my spouse’s mind and heart?
• Am I prioritizing time to connect with my partner, or have we become just roommates?
• How can I show more consideration and understanding in our intimate relationship?
• What barriers might I be allowing to build up between us that need to be removed?

Remember, both husband and wife are equally responsible for growing in intimacy. The goal isn’t perfection, but rather a commitment to knowing each other more deeply and loving each other more fully, just as God designed marriage to be.